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I think the software limitations are a big part of the problem. In particular, how comments are integrated with questions and answers. The comments appear to give an opportunity for people to have a conversation, but this is discouraged. Trying to have a conversation and getting shut down is not welcoming. The chat feature is not threaded, and so it useless for anything but synchronous communication. I think the site would be much more welcoming if instead of the current comment system, there was instead a threaded discussion forum associated with each question and each answer. In particular, I think people would be much more comfortable participating in the forum than the QA, but forum participation could serve as a gateway to QA activity.